Bedtime Power Struggles

Getting our children to cooperate with guidelines around sleep can be a big challenge. Even young toddlers already know us so well and they’re very smart cookies! These master manipulators really know how to press our buttons. We can diffuse the power struggle by bringing them onto our Sleep Team, and defining their role.

Inform them
We can teach our children the basics of why everyone needs to sleep: Sleep makes us feel good, helps us grow and learn, and gives us energy for playing. Helping them to feel proud of their great sleep skills can be highly motivating.

Set consistent limits
Children should be exploring the possibilities of their world, expressing their desires and testing limits. It’s their job to push, it’s our job to set and protect the limits. If the limits can be moved by a temper tantrum, or if the limits are unpredictable, children can feel insecure. This insecurity can lead to challenging behaviour and power struggles. When we protect our limits and confidently enforce them, consistently, and in a respectful way, our children will have a greater sense of security and trust.

Give them some power
Young children do not have the tools to make healthy choices for themselves around sleep, but it is important to give them a sense of autonomy. We can find opportunities for our children to make age-appropriate decisions: Which pajamas do you want to wear tonight? Which book will we read during the bedtime routine?

Teach Respect for Others’ Needs
At this stage, our children can learn that their parents also need sleep. We can teach them our expectations and sleep rules in order to protect their sleep and our own. (see Family Sleep Meeting)

Inspire cooperation
To motivate our children, we can use incentives that are connected to the desired behaviour. There are natural consequences to our children keeping us up in the night: Maybe we’ll be too tired to go to the park the next day. But if they comply with the rules, we’ll have the energy for fun park play and a morning dance party. They pick the song!

Stay positive
Learning new sleep skills can be challenging and they won’t always succeed. That’s okay – we’ll try again tonight! We can let our children know that we believe in them, and we can celebrate achievements big and small.

For personalized help with your child’s sleep, check out my SERVICES page.